Losing Control
by Jesus.Lives
Summary: He was a 13 year old trying to fit a 40 year old's shoes and for the first time Beth wanted to kiss him. He wasn't Jimmy, he was younger than her and she wanted to do it anyway. She wanted him to break down. Admit he was scared about the chance of losing his father too after what just happened to his mother. Act like he didn't need this detached control all the time. Beth/Carl.


**A/N. **_Carl was always my favorite character and his badassness in the last episode inspired me to write this. I saw in an article someone saying that Carl was THE man (after what Tyreese said) and was probably going to lose his virginity to Beth. I guess if this story had a second chapter that might happen. Lol. But it doesn't._

**This is set between the mid-season break timeline.  
**

_Carl wants to get out there and follow in his dad's footsteps risking his life for any reason at all and Beth is not happy about it._

* * *

**Losing Control**

* * *

"Hand her to me. I want to hold Judith."

Beth had tried to ignore Carl getting ready to leave. Judith didn't need more formula. He should have just waited until his father got back… but Carl was already factoring in the possibility that his father wasn't coming back. Even though he shed tears for his mother, he hardened after she died. He wasn't going to rely on people anymore. He was already living in the mode that anyone could die and he'd better be hard enough to deal with it.

So to distract herself from the sounds of his preparing Beth stayed with Carol, rocking Judith in her arms. Her dad was off with Axel, which was good because Axel had been getting a little creepy lately. They'd all been playing house for some time. Raising the baby like it was their own, and she thought of her like it was her baby sister too. But apparently Carl didn't see it that way.

_Right now Judith's the only family I've got._

Beth had tried to give him the space he needed, making his decisions about the newcomers to the prison and when they were alone together it wasn't the same as it used to be. He wasn't that awkward kid who cared about obeying his parents and was hesitant about taking action. Before they used to play games, or talk about the way things used to be. She'd said a few words to him about losing Jimmy even. But they weren't on an equal level anymore, he was too busy trying to become his father that he was alienating her. Just like this forceful tone he was using now.

"Okay," Beth said softly and stood to hand Carl the baby. His eyes softened as he held the little bundle and she felt a pang in her heart.

"Are you ready to go Carol?" He turned to her, making it sound like he was calling all the shots. And he had been.

"Just one more day, we need to give them time to get back here." Carol's face was pleading.

"We need to do this." He needed to provide for his sister. He needed to be the one because it was like he'd already made up his mind that his father wasn't coming back.

Carol could have said more, told him that he wasn't his father and he didn't need to run off at the first chance he got and play the hero but she didn't. "Just one more day." She was hoping to buy time before it came to that.

When Carl palmed off Judith to Carol Beth followed him to his cell.

"Why don't you take me with you – instead of Carol?" Beth had wanted to go and help them retrieve Maggie. She didn't want to act useless. She could do things now. She could kill _them_.

He spun around at the sound of her voice, not expecting her to have followed him, hat shadowing his eyes.

For a moment he seemed lost for words.

"Your father would kill me if you got hurt." Or died. That's what he was thinking. Everybody dies. That thought was always on his mind. Everybody dies… even her.

"Do you think I want you to get hurt?" Or die. That's what she meant. He was thinking it but it was unspoken between them. Inevitable death.

He looked away from her, a spot on the floor of the cell particularly interesting at that time. He didn't intend to answer her. Instead his eyes flicked back up to hers. "Judith needs me."

"And I don't?" Beth pressed.

Their eyes met. He was a 13 year old trying to fit a 40 year olds shoes and for the first time Beth wanted to kiss him. He wasn't Jimmy, he was younger than her and she wanted to do it anyway. She wanted him to break down. Admit he was scared about the chance of losing his father too after what just happened to his mother. Act like he didn't need this detached control all the time.

After a while of not speaking Beth tried again. "Carl, don't go. Not yet. We can last another few weeks. Maybe one of the new people can help you."

"No. It's my responsibility." He was firm. "Mom left me in charge, dad left me…" he trailed off. He hadn't meant to talk about it. He didn't want to talk about it.

"When I almost lost my dad… I felt so powerless. It's okay to feel powerless. If your dad returns or not there's nothing you can do about it. It's scary."

"I don't feel powerless." She wasn't going to get him to break. He was the person he needed to be now, not the person he was.

"I do…" she admitted, taking a soft step toward him. "I feel powerless to stop you from leaving."

His breath hitched in his throat as she stood right in front of him, so close they were almost touching. Her arm wrapped around her front between them. He couldn't say anything to that. His brain just turned off. He couldn't think of what his dad would do at such an admission. He hadn't really paid attention during the close, intimate talks between his dad and his mom and now he almost wished he had.

She leaned in, hands going to his shoulders and he was freaking out. Walkers he could handle. His first kiss was slightly more terrifying. What if he got it wrong? It was light, soft, her lips on his and he didn't move. She pulled back and he had that awkward look on his face. That look that she swore that she hadn't seen since his mother died. She went in again. This time he moved in time with her.

It felt weird, but good and he never expected it to happen, though he hoped it would. And then that hard façade was dropped of having to be Rick 2.0 and he was just Carl again. She could feel his gun pressing up against her that he carried around with him all the time. "I don't want to lose you," he blurted when they'd both pulled away even though their faces were still close to one another's. "That's why I don't want you to come with me. I want you to be safe." He was being more honest than he had before, she was grateful for that.

"Don't you understand that I feel the same about you?" She reached out and ran a finger over the brim of his hat, her other arm still over his shoulder. "I don't want you to go and not come back. Too many people haven't come back."

They'd both lost almost everyone. She was probably thinking of her sister, Maggie was gone. She probably had little hope she would return too.

"Yeah… I know…" he was thinking of people too. If his dad didn't return then maybe neither would Glenn or Daryl. He'd been with them from the start. They'd lost Andrea… Dale… Sophia… Shane… he didn't like to think about Shane. He hugged Beth, closing the distance between them again and holding her tight. He didn't want to cry. He'd come so far in this not to cry again over things he couldn't change. That didn't stop the tears in her eyes though.

They kissed again and it felt better. The pain seemed to melt or just be ignored. It must have done the same for her because she was edging him over to the wall and then her lips found his again.

It was a while before Beth told him, "Carl we have to stop."

"Yeah…" he replied even though he was thinking _wait, why?_

"My dad…" there was that, and also that creepy inmate that could be lurking around anywhere.

"Okay."

"But we could meet up later?"

"Yeah…" he nodded. Whatever she wanted to do, she'd let him.

"I've got to go back and help Carol with Judith. I don't think she expected me to be gone this long."

"Oh." That made sense. He felt like he needed to have something to do too now he wasn't going on a formula run. "I should go and see how they're doing, the others…"

"Good. That's good." She gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "Well… bye…"

He grinned and blushed. "Yeah… bye."

Later tonight… and the only guy around to tell about it was Beth's dad. Yeah, Carl wasn't doing that. He watched her leave. Maybe there was someone just as important as Judith in his life right now. Maybe he had to tell her that later. Maybe Carol had a good point earlier. Just one more day… or two… or three… what could it hurt?

* * *

**Fin.**

_[And then Team Rick sans Daryl comes back and everything gets messed up again]._


End file.
